“Oh Poor Me”
Pain. In my last blog post, I wrote about having some intense pain. I “thought” it was kidney related pain but it wasn’t. I’ve since gone to the doctor and was sent to have x-rays. The doctor told me that it could be 3 or 4 different back or hip related things. One of the things that she mentioned was a “sciatica nerve” problem. She (the doctor) gave me some pain pills that I cannot take and we’re still waiting to hear about the x-ray results.
On the way home from getting the x-rays done, Doug hugged me and said, “poor Jackie.” I looked at him and said, “why poor Jackie?” He told me that having the kidney disease and being on dialysis was bad enough, I shouldn’t have to go through anything else. I love my husband:-) But the truth of the matter is that like anything else – just because you have one thing doesn’t mean that you don’t “get” other things.
There are people on dialysis who have hypertension, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, amputated limbs…the list goes on and on. Unfortunately having one illness or disease isn’t like being in the 10 items or less grocery store aisle. Wouldn’t it be great if life was like that…uh, I already have kidney disease so I don’t have to worry about getting anything else. Or like a game show, Alex, I’ll take arthritis for $100 and that’s it.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel like “poor Jackie.” I know a lot of people (just so popular you know:-) and most of them have “something” that causes them experience pain. The funny thing about pain is that it’s very relatable. As someone who experiences it, I understand the pain that my family member(s) who suffer from migraines have, or the pain my friend(s) who suffer from back issues endure. I’m not saying that we all share the same level of pain but when you’ve hurt, you understand when someone else is hurting.
When I sat down to write this post today, I wanted to write about pain. But as I’ve been writing I kind of switched gears and felt like I wanted to say to all of you who know me and love me – and read this blog – I hope you don’t feel like, “poor Jackie.” I don’t feel that way…I never have. I feel like, ” isn’t dialysis a great thing that continues to keep me alive.” When I am in pain I say to myself, “why are all my comfort foods limited or not on the kidney diet!”
Please don’t think that I’m Miss Cheerleader and always in a good mood…those of you who really know me, know that’s not true. I do get down but not for long. I am open to a lot of things and when I am in pain, I try them. I meditate, I pray, I do some yoga, I’m bitchy at Doug and Justin (I always apologize later) and when all else fails, I lay on my heating pad and watch trash tv. But then I get back to my daily routine – I have to because, thankfully…life goes on.