Jacqsworld's Blog

Dialysis, Kidney Disease, Living life with Chronic illness

“Oh Poor Me”

Pain. In my last blog post, I wrote about having some intense pain. I “thought” it was kidney related pain but it wasn’t. I’ve since  gone to the doctor and was sent to have x-rays. The doctor told me that it could be 3 or 4 different back or hip related things. One of the things that she mentioned was a “sciatica nerve” problem. She (the doctor) gave me some pain pills that I cannot take and we’re still waiting to hear about the x-ray results.
On the way home from getting the x-rays done, Doug hugged me and said, “poor Jackie.” I looked at him and said, “why poor Jackie?” He told me that having the kidney disease and being on dialysis was bad enough, I shouldn’t have to go through anything else. I love my husband:-) But the truth of the matter is that like anything else – just because you have one thing doesn’t mean that you don’t “get” other things.
There are people on dialysis who have hypertension, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, amputated limbs…the list goes on and on.  Unfortunately having one illness or disease isn’t like being in the 10 items or less grocery store aisle. Wouldn’t it be great if life was like that…uh, I already have kidney disease so I don’t have to worry about getting anything else. Or like a game show,  Alex, I’ll take arthritis for $100  and that’s it.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t feel like “poor Jackie.” I know a lot of people (just so popular you know:-) and most of them have “something” that causes them experience  pain. The funny thing about pain is that it’s very relatable. As someone who experiences it, I understand the pain that my family member(s) who suffer from migraines have, or the pain my friend(s) who suffer from back issues endure. I’m not saying that we all share the same level of pain but when you’ve hurt,  you  understand when someone else is hurting.

When I sat down to write this post today, I wanted to write about pain. But as I’ve been writing I kind of switched gears and felt like I wanted to say to all of you who know me and love me – and read this blog – I hope you don’t feel like, “poor Jackie.” I don’t feel that way…I never have. I feel like, ” isn’t dialysis a great thing that continues to keep me alive.” When I am in  pain I say to myself, “why are all my comfort foods limited or not on the kidney diet!”
Please don’t think that I’m Miss Cheerleader and always in a good mood…those of you who really know me, know that’s not true. I do get down but not for long. I am open to a lot of things and when I am in pain, I try them. I meditate, I pray, I do some yoga, I’m bitchy at Doug and Justin (I always apologize later) and when all else fails, I lay on my heating pad and watch trash tv.  But then  I get back to my daily routine – I have to  because, thankfully…life goes on.

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6 thoughts on ““Oh Poor Me”

  1. Susan Robertson on said:

    Oh my God, you are the gutsiest woman I know! Your strength is something I count on to help me build my own. When I picture you in my mind it’s a ‘Rosie the Riveter’ kind of image – a strong, we-can-do-this woman with muscles. I love you, Jackie.

  2. Marjorie Stokes on said:

    Sue, you are so right, ain’t our girl something else. I’m just so amazed at her wisdom and strength. She makes you feel like you can handle any problem that comes your way. Her spirit is so wonderful, it makes you like being around her and talking to her. WHAT A WOMAN!! Keep it up Jackie!!

  3. Thank you both! Having spport is truly what keeps me going. I’m such a blessed person to have you two and so many others like you in my life. I love you ladies!

  4. CLAUDIA BLAKE on said:

    What an AWESOME woman you are and you are a part of OUR family! You have a level of wisdom and insight that some people grow old and NEVER come CLOSE to attaining. Stay as strong, wise and postive as you are. God has given you some wonderful attributes and you will never know how many lives you are impacting by sharing your life perspective.

    Be sure and keep copies of your blogs for your future offspring so that they will know the ancestral strength and character that is a part of their heritage.

    I love you and am so PROUD that you are my ‘senior’ neice. You know where I am anytime you need me.

    Aunt Claudia

    • Thank you Aunt Claudia! I love you too – even though that “senior” niece remark makes me sound old:-) I’m so blessed to come from 2 families that have such strong, wise women. Thank you for reading the blog, I appreciate all of my family remembers who take the time to get to “know” me from my writing.

  5. Robyn Cline on said:

    I read this late, but now you have your new kidney and your “new” life without dialysis!!!! I am so excited and so happy for you! I never thought poor Jackie, but I did think “I hate that my friend has to go through this.” Now you don’t, and I have to say you getting a new kidney is right up there with all the happy things in my life. I am soooooo happy for you and I hope you and Doug get to take that trip. You deserve it! Love you much.

    Robyn

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