Pain, Agony & Defeat
As I’m writing this blog, I am in a lot of pain. I’m the kind of person who has a high threshold for pain but this morning, the pain is getting the best of me. There’s this funny thing about having kidney disease…your kidneys don’t work anymore but they can still cause pain. I’ve experienced this pain before, more times than I can count over the five years. Most of the time, it has been pain that I can tolerate. The pain can hit you at any time and on either side of the body.
Sometimes it can last for hours, sometimes a day or days. I’ve had this pain for 2 days now. Yesterday it was subtle, I could tolerate it. This morning I woke up and the pain was so severe that it brought me to tears. It hurt to walk downstairs into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. For those of you who struggle with chronic pain and have gone to the hospital and a hospital staff has asked you “on a scale of 1-10,what is your pain?” (I hate that question by the) I would say mine is about 250. This doesn’t worry me though. I know that the pain associated with this disease is normal. I saw my mother suffer from this same kind of pain. I pray that I won’t have to see my son suffer from this pain or this disease. Sometimes I wonder if my tears aren’t just from this pain but more from the things that I’ve seen and continue to see from having this disease.
Like with any other chronic illness, I know that it doesn’t just affect a person physically, I don’t want any of my blog posts to ever diminish what a person goes through emotionally as well. I’m sad to have this pain right now. I had planned to get up this beautiful Saturday morning and have some “me” time by getting my eyebrows waxed and a manicure. Instead I’m waiting for this pain to stop or at least become tolerable so that I can begin my day.
For now I’m going to try a bunch of remedies that range of laying on a heating pad,to rocking back and forth moaning. I’ve already took some tyneol (extra strength) and of course, I’ve prayed that the Lord will take this pain away.
As I sat down to write tihs I thought about how I usually write about positive aspects of the living with kidney disease but there are times, like day, where it’s hard to feel positive. Pain is no laughing. Yes there are medications out. I don’t like to take a of medication and believe me, I already take a lot of medication. I also don’t suffer in silence and will be taking care of this pain if it doesn’t subside soon. After all, I do have a wax and a manicure waiting for me.